


Harry and Draco: An Onomatopoeically Enhanced Tale

by Nichneven13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Hair Gel, Hogwarts Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-22
Updated: 2002-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:40:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nichneven13/pseuds/Nichneven13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok, so this one was totally gratuitous and fun to write. Once again playing in the movie!HP playground, what with Draco's excessive hair gel-use. VERY early piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry and Draco: An Onomatopoeically Enhanced Tale

Just as Harry was about to follow Ron and Hermione into the Herbology greenhouse, he heard an urgent _psst!_ coming from the trees behind him. Curious, he turned toward the bushes.

A blonde head appeared briefly, jerking his head in a very sexy "come hither" manner. Harry grinned like a mad-man and let the greenhouse door _bang!_ shut. He made a dash for the trees, diving over the bushes that stood in his way.

" _Oof_!" Draco Malfoy exhaled sharply as he was knocked to the ground by the hurtling Harry.

"Hi, Lover," Harry purred, propping himself on top of Draco. "Are we ditching class, then?"

Draco pushed Harry off and stood up, brushing twigs and leaves from his clothing. His hair was unsullied. "Don't be silly. That would be too obvious."

"Then why did you _psst_! at me?" Harry demanded, quite disturbed that he would not get the chance to ravage the dashing boy before him.

"I thought we'd have a quick snog before we went in," Draco shrugged nonchalantly. "You know, to get us through."

"Ah," Harry _ah_ -ed with a nod of his head.

Their lips met with blinding ferocity. Harry _mmm_ -ed in the back of his throat and molded himself against Draco's hard body. He plunged his hands into Draco's silver hair and curled his fingers into fists, tugging lightly. Draco, who was a firm believer in tit for tat, buried his own long, slender fingers into Harry's raven locks. Of course, Draco's tugging was a bit more spirited, resulting in a grunt of pain from Harry.

"Ow!" Harry cried, pulling away from Draco. "It is attached, you know."

"Sadly, yes," Draco ran his fingers through Harry's hair and eyed it disdainfully. "I wish you would get this mop cut."

Harry attempted to ruffle Draco's hair. It did not move.

"Jesus, Draco," Harry squinched up his nose in distaste. "How much gel did you use this morning?"

"No more than normal," Draco told him with a sniff. "And if you don't like it, kindly remove your, I'm sure, dirty hands from it!"

"We should get to class anyway," Harry sighed and pulled his hands from Draco's hair. Or at least, he tried to pull his hands from Draco's hair.

"Ow!" Draco grabbed Harry's wrist. "Don't pull it out!"

"Draco," Harry felt a hysterical giggle welling up inside of him. "I think my fingers are stuck."

"That is not funny, Harry," Draco snapped. He yanked on the wrist he held in his fist. "Ow! Let go!"

Harry laughed outright. "I'm stuck!"

Draco paled significantly more than usual. He more resembled a piece of onion paper than a boy.

"Are you serious?"

Harry felt his knees weakened from the hilarity of the situation. "I could never fathom a joke as funny as this!"

"Well, that is the truth," Draco muttered, planting his hands on his hips. "What do we do, then?"

"Do you know any, er, unsticking spells?" Harry asked wanly before dissolving into a fresh fit of giggles.

Draco _tsk_ -ed. "This is serious, Potter. And no, I do not know any unsticking spells!"

"Too bad Hermione isn't here," Harry commented. "I'm sure she would know one."

Draco fumed, his arms crossing over his chest. He had never been in a situation quite as sticky as this one before.

"Well, unless you want to wait for Granger to magically appear," Draco said caustically. "I would say the only thing to do is to go look for help."

Harry leaned forward and studied his fingers. "Well, your hair is quite long. We could just nip a bit off."

"Sacrilege!" Draco gasped, pushing against Harry's chest. "We are not going to cut my hair!"

"We could go plunge ourselves in the lake," Harry tried again.

Draco shook his head, causing Harry's arms to wiggle comically. "This stuff is water-proof."

"I'm so not surprised."

Draco sighed loudly. "We'll just wait for class to end."

"Brilliant plan," Harry agreed enthusiastically. "I am sure that after an hour and a half, my hands will just _pop!_ right out!"

"No, you prat," Draco growled. "We will get one of your oh-so-noble friends to spell us out of this."

Harry paused, considering the plan. "Er."

"What is it now, Potter?"

"I don't think I want to explain this to Ron and Hermione."

It was Draco's turn to laugh. And laugh, he did. "Oh, we are certainly going to explain this to Granger and Weasley! I can't wait to see their faces!"

Harry grimaced. "Well, not exactly the way I was planning on telling them that I am shagging you, but I suppose it will have to do."

Draco only laughed harder.

"Can we at least sit down," Harry asked sharply. "My arms are a bit tired."

Draco agreed and then they began the awkward task of getting themselves onto the ground and into a comfortable sitting position.

Draco sat first, with Harry bending at the waist, his hands still firmly lodged into Draco's hair. After Draco was settled, Harry lowered himself into a cross-legged position. They had managed to sit, but Harry's predicament remained the same. His arms were stretched uncomfortably across the air between him and Draco's head.

"This isn't any better," Harry whined. "I need to get closer to you."

"You know," Draco chuckled as he helped Harry scootch closer. "Under any other circumstances, I would say that that was quite romantic."

Harry uncrossed his legs and draped them on either side of Draco's waist, scooting his bottom up to Draco's own crossed legs. He rested his elbows on Draco's shoulders and let out a relieved sigh.

"That is immensely better!"

Draco was inclined to agree. His hands trailed up and down Harry's back, a sensuous smirk playing on his lips. "Now, whatever are we going to do until class is dismissed?"

"I think I have an idea," Harry breathed, exerting pressure on Draco's shoulders, willing him forward.

Their lips met once again. Only this time, there was no urgency. This kiss was sweet and sensuous. This kiss swallowed the air around them.

A _clang!_ clanging sound echoed in Draco's head. _Ah_ , he thought offhandedly. _Bells. I am hearing bells._ Draco tightened his arms around Harry and in one deft move, lifted Harry up and onto his lap. Harry grunted in surprise, but did not break contact with Draco's mouth.

Harry slid his tongue in and out of Draco's mouth slowly, milking a groan of tantalizing torture from the silvery blonde. Harry was intent in his purpose: he was making love to Draco with clothes on and hands out of commission. Draco shivered and tilted his head slightly, giving Harry absolute access to his mouth.

" Holy shit!" Hermione's surprised voice squealed, ripping the two lovers from their cocoon of pleasure.

Leave it to Hermione to discover them. Hermione, the Great Discoverer.

"I-I just-I came to find you, Harry," Hermione was gesticulating like a bird attempting to take flight. "You-you never came-and, well, I just. came to find you."

"Here he is," Draco told her cheekily.

Harry felt his heart hit the bottom of his stomach with a _kerplunk_!

"We've hit on a spot of trouble," Draco told her amiably. "It seems as though young Mr. Potter has gotten his hands tangled in my hair."

"Tangled?" Harry sputtered indignantly. "More like glued!"

"Details," Draco sighed with a roll of his grey eyes. "The real issue here is that we need some assistance of the magical variety."

"Oh," Hermione blinked rapidly, trying to process the vision before her. Her best friend was sitting in the lap of his worst enemy. With his hands tangled-no, _glued_ to Draco Malfoy's hair.

"So, do tell, Granger, old girl," Draco continued, nonplussed. "Do you happen to know an unsticking spell?"

"An unsticking spell?" Hermione repeated dazedly. "I'm not sure."

"Hermione!" Harry cried desperately. "Please just do something! I don't care if you have to make all of his hair disappear! Just get me free!"

"Hey now!" Draco yelped, shooting a panicked look at Hermione. "Let's not be hasty!"

Hermione held her hands over her ears. She could not think clearly. Surely it was not Harry who was sitting before her, bickering with Draco Malfoy like an old married couple. Surely not.

"Okay," she ahemed to jump start her voice. "I think I know of just the thing. Harry, perhaps you should, er, get off his, er, lap."

Harry flushed an ugly shade of crimson and scooted most ungracefully off of Draco's lap. Draco was smirking and waggling his perfectly shaped eyebrows at Harry, but Harry chose to ignore him.

"Okay, here we go," Hermione muttered more to herself than anyone. " _Eparatesay_!"

"Ahh!" Draco cried out as he felt his hair raise up from his head. "I said don't take my hair!"

Harry's hands dropped unceremoniously from Draco's blonde tresses. Draco's hair fell back into place.

"Oh, thank goodness that worked!" Hermione exhaled in relief. "I was not sure if I got the diction just right!"

Harry scrambled to his feet and waved his hands over his head in triumph. "I'm free! I'm freeeeeeeee!"

"Harry, you are nutters," Draco drawled as he rose, a bit more sedately than his boyfriend. "Thank you, Granger, for freeing us from that rather embarrassing position."

"Er, right," Hermione watched as Harry turned a cartwheel in the clearing. "Do either of you want to explain yourselves now?"

"No," both boys answered as one.

Hermione _pssh_ ed in disgust. "I'm not stupid, you know."

"Then," Harry smiled beatifically at her. "You don't need us to tell you what was going on."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and surveyed the two boys. She knew all right. But now what?

"I'll tell you what," Hermione told them. "I'm just going to pretend this never happened. I don't want to know."

"Well, then," Draco flashed her a brilliant smile. "Don't ask, don't tell, is it?"

"Exactly," Hermione nodded enthusiastically. "Now, I am going to go scour my eyes out so as to remove the image of you two snogging from my memory forever."

Harry looked relieved. Draco looked amused.

Hermione turned to leave. She paused and then looked over her shoulder at Draco. "You might want to lay off the hair gel."

~~End~~


End file.
